Why We Need to Ask “Why?”

I just finished reading an important book by Andrea Batista Schlesinger, who is the Executive Director of the Drum Major Institute for Public Policy. The book came up on my suggestion list at Amazon.com, and I immediately responded to its title: The Death of “Why?” The Decline of Questioning and the Future of Democracy. What a way to fuel my passions for unschooling and progressive politics, I thought—two topics in one book! And I was right.

The Death of Why is a plea for inquiry, especially among the young. Ms. Batista Schlesinger writes with deep feeling about how important it is that children, who naturally ask “why?”, are not discouraged from that habit by:

  • a rigid school curriculum that stresses rote learning
  • computer search engines that give the illusion of easily found answers to complex questions
  • the homogeneity of the neighborhoods in which most of us now live
  • a media culture that values choosing sides over asking questions
  • a consumer culture that seduces us into thinking that questions can be answered with products

The author presents these obstacles to inquiry clearly and powerfully, and she also details many hopeful attitudes, projects, and programs that counter these forces.

My favorite project, because it reminds me of unschooling, is the Drum Major Institute’s “newspaper breakfasts” with their college-student Scholars, in which the art of inquiry is modeled and practiced. It’s something that takes place around the dinner tables of many homeschoolers: reading an article aloud, discussing it, and posing questions about it—some that the participants can answer, and some that they cannot.

When you come to a question you can’t answer, it means you need to learn more.  And, as Batista Schlesinger writes, “If you cannot formulate a question  to learn more about what you have read, you aren’t really paying attention.” When this situation occurs, she notes, it does not mean that the students are not bright—only that they simply “have not developed the habit” of asking questions.

The Death of Why builds up a big focus on “empowerment civics” and participating in local politics. I found this portion of the book very exciting and inspiring. But, even without adding that dimension to the importance of inquiry, Bastista Scheslinger’s point holds true.

She writes, “”Only when people know, and ask, is there a chance that the voices of regular people will be heard.” That statement most certainly applies to our democracy, but it applies to other aspects of life as well. Our children must be able to ask questions if they are to navigate this very, very not-black-and-white world we live in.

So, in your life as a parent, as “Why is the sky blue?” changes to “Why do we pay taxes?” and “Why does this job application say I need a college degree to get this job?’ and “Why isn’t there anything in my lease about what happens if I decide to move out early?”, know that inquiry is the key to independence.

Don’t let “the death of why” happen to your child.

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Carnival of Unschooled Life — February 2010 Edition

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Go to life, not school.

The carnival is back to begin a new year. We have new contributors as well as old friends, and I humbly ask everyone who reads this to pass it on in some way to someone they think will enjoy it. Twitter. Facebook. Suddenly, email seems so old-fashioned.

I’m starting 2010 with a healthier body, thanks to a much-needed operation I had in December of 2009. And, glancing at the stack of unread books on my reading table, 2010 will be a time for expanding my mind.

Wishing you all a delightful adventure here, I present this month’s carnival.

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Life at Home

Samantha at ninth street east gives us two entries this month: first, a look at The World Through Sophie’s Eyes, and then the eye-catching Black Glue.

From Darcel, a new contributor who blogs at Luv N Harmony, we have Freedom at Home.

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Out in the World

My family made our annual pilgrimage to the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center on December 23, 2009. This is mother and daughter basking in the holiday spirit.

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Inspirations

Laura Grave Weldon presents Going to Hope in a Handbasket.

Karen at The Stone Age Techie presents Learning Extensions, Analog and Digital, and says, “what the boys do that I discuss in this post is both inspired and inspiring to see.”

Rana at Free to learn an lovin it gives us Is Free Range Parenting Right For You?

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Dark Nights of the Soul

If you ever find yourself doubting your decision to unschool, remember these words about doubt from Helen Keller:

Doubts and mistrust are the mere panic of timid imagination, which the steadfast heart will conquer, and the large mind transcend.”

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Encounters of the School-y Kind

Anna at adversarian presents So, you’re a dropout? Welcome to the carnival, Anna.

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Beginnings

Intentional Unschooling is a good place to begin. It comes from Jena at Yarns of the Heart.

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Passages

A handkerchief (for eye dabbing) might be in order before you read Don’t Bother Mom, She’s Blogging About Motherhood from Laura Grace Weldon.

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Miscellaneous

Changes comes from Rana at Free to learn an lovin it.

Pamela Jorrick of Blah, Blah, Blog presents Why Don’t Students Like School?

Idzie at I’m Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. gives us The Cons of Unschooling. Thank you for this important post, Idzie.

And, last but not least, new contributor, Margy Hesser, who blogs at Homeschool Highschool, presents “Are You Homeschooled?” “Define Homeschool.” Welcome, Margy, and thanks for the call to band together. That’s part of what this carnival tries to help us do.

***Thank you to all who contributed posts this month. The carnival will be back on March 1, 2010, which means that submissions will be due by February 28, 2010.

***To contribute a post to the next edition of The Carnival of Unschooled Life — which will be here at The Expanding Life on March 1, 2010 — use the carnival submission form.

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The Consequences of Saying “Yes”

Unschoolers read a lot about saying yes to their children. Yes is the answer that leads to life and learning, while no closes doors and shuts off curiosity. Unless yes will absolutely lead to injury—as in Yes, you may hit your brother on the head with a hammer—say it, we are told.

But there are consequences to saying yes to our children. Saying yes to them does not always necessarily make life very pleasant for us. My answer to this: say yes anyway. And here’s why.

Whenever our daughter has asked for something—to go somewhere, to do something with us—and we have a problem with saying yes to her, it’s usually because we are tired or we have other plans. But, instead of saying no, we say yes and then explain the obstacle (i.e., “Yes, Daddy and I want to watch TV with you, but he has computer work that he has to finish tonight.”)

At that point, our darling daughter begins to use her darling brain to figure out a way to make everything that everyone wants to have happen actually happen. In the example I gave, the solution might be as simple as, “Instead of watching TV now, we can watch as soon as Dad’s done.” Other times, the solution is the end result of a complex round of negotiations that requires serious thinking power on darling daughter’s part.

And if we had just said no, that brain work wouldn’t have happened. Oh, she’d have used her brain to think of something else to do after we said no. But, the knowledge that a yes is floating in the air, waiting for a way to be seized, can generate an impressive amount of real thought—the kind of thought we use every day in the real world.

Note: we don’t present “YES + OBSTACLE” problems to our child artificially. These are incidents that come up in real life.

So, as I stated above, even if part of you wants to say something else, say yes. When you do, wonderful things happen:

  • Your child becomes aware of her power to manipulate the world around her in a positive way.
  • Your family comes together as a problem-solving unit.
  • You have a great time doing whatever you said yes to.

And, if you can imagine the world as a big sky filled with yes clouds and no clouds, there is a yes cloud in the world that wasn’t there before.

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Wordless Wednesday — January 27, 2010

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The Human Touch Circa 2010

I’ve been catching up on my reading while I recuperate from surgery, and last night I read Newsweek’s recent Interview issue. The discussion between film directors James Cameron and Peter Jackson included a section in which Cameron mentioned that he would make the film Titanic differently if he were making it today. Thanks to the kind of technology he embraces so completely in his latest film, Avatar, he says, “I wouldn’t have to wait seven days to get the perfect sunset for the kiss scene. We’d shoot it in front of a green screen, and we’d choose our sunset.”

That made me feel a little sad.

Of course, if Cameron had done that when he made Titanic, I probably wouldn’t have noticed it at all, but thinking about him doing it made the real, natural sunset seem important to me. And now that I know he waited seven days for a sunset, the idea of that seems important to me—romantic and artistic and obsessive in that way that only visionaries can obsess.

I think the concept of the “human touch” is a romantic ideal for most of us, especially once we become parents and measure our version of the human touch against the experiences of our children.

For example, I learned to type on a metal typewriter with very raised keys. It had been my aunt the secretary’s typewriter, and it was heavy, loud, and quite impressive to the ten-year-old me. My daughter learned to type on a Compaq keyboard (the same one I am typing on right now), which is light, clicky-sounding, and, in my opinion, not impressive at all.

But, for her, I imagine it held the same kind of wonder: it was something grown-ups used and it had a distinct feel and shape. I’m the one who doesn’t see it as the perfect image of a typing instrument—a natural sunset; to her, it’s what my old clunker was to me.

Am I making sense here?

When grown-ups like me say to kids like my daughter, “These new TV shows aren’t like the ones I watched,” what are we trying to prove? That our sunsets were better? That their sunsets are inherently inferior because they do not hold the ideas our sunsets held for us? That their experience of the human touch is dismissible because we can’t feel it?

I am grateful to my daughter for telling me, in her soft and wise way, that this is her world and her generation, and it isn’t my place to disparage them in front of her, because they belong to her. In other words, leave the kid’s sunset alone, Mom. Even if it’s computer-generated, it’s her “human touch,” so please don’t touch it!

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Get Your Submissions Ready

for the February 1st Carnival of Unschooled Life.

When you’ve found that perfect gem (or rough-edged stone) of a post, follow the magic Blog Carnival entry process.

Many thanks.

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Wordless Wednesday—January 13, 2010

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One Week Post-Op

Basically, it’s a three-steps-up, two-steps-back process, this recovery thing. You feel better than you did the day before (three steps up), so you keep moving around a little longer, and you do a few innocuous things, such as carrying your coffee cup across the room and hanging your robe on the coat rack. Then, you momentarily forget that you’re recovering from major abdominal surgery, albeit laparoscopic, and you bend over to pick something up from the floor. Ouch! You reprimand yourself, but you don’t go back to bed immediately and before you know it you’re doing something else that isn’t allowed, like wiping the bathroom counter a bit vigorously to remove a toothpaste smudge, and that something becomes the second step back.

This too shall pass. Overall, I’m doing quite well. One of my dear friends gave me a Gopher. Besides being incredibly useful, it is a good source of entertainment, as I can now put on shows for my family in which I drop things on purpose, just so that I can pick them up with great flair and enthusiasm. I have also used the Gopher as a horror film creature who attacks noses and pony tails, but my daughter isn’t thrilled about me taking this path of creativity. Oh, well.

One week post-op is looking pretty good. I’m going back to bed now. And, objects in my room, just you dare to fall off whatever you’re resting on. I’m ready for you! With suction cups for better grip!

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The Other Side of Surgery

This will be brief because I am feeling drained. My surgery was a success! I cannot believe that I am home writing this, when, twenty-four hours ago I was sleeping off my anesthesia, and thirty-six hours ago I was being prepped for a three-hour operation.

I have strange painful air pockets in places like my shoulder (odd but true), and I am tired, but my incisions don’t hurt at all.  And I am home, sweet home.

Your comments made me feel very loved. Thank you for them.

I’ll let you know how I’m doing as the recovery goes on.

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See You On the Other Side

Of my hysterectomy, that is. One of the dear, supportive women on HysterSisters used that phrase, and I really like it. For me, the other side of tomorrow’s surgery will be a place where:

  • I don’t have lower back pain.
  • I’m not tired all the time.
  • I don’t have a five-month uterus full of fibroids. (Sorry if that’s too much information for some of you.)
  • I don’t feel pregnant (without the glow).
  • I do have energy.
  • I can say, “Oh yes, I had a Da Vinci laparoscopic supracervical hysterectomy. It was wonderful. I highly recommend it.”

So, please give a thought to me as I have surgery on January 5, 2009. I’ll see you on the other side.

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